


Dancing Around This Broken Heart

by gyu_trashling (ladynoirsdaughter)



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Heartbreak, Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-11
Updated: 2017-01-11
Packaged: 2018-09-16 20:45:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9288947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladynoirsdaughter/pseuds/gyu_trashling
Summary: Soonyoung dances for many reasons. Tonight, it’s for the memories of him.   OR   Soonyoung and Jihoon break up and the dancer can’t let go.





	

Soonyoung was prone to lock himself in the dance studio for hours, not coming out until he had practiced every single dance he made and knew, and occasionally he would make another in that time. It was common knowledge not to disturb him during that time, since breaking him out of his trance made it hard for him to get back into it, or made him hard to deal with for some time as he was frustrated he couldn’t finish.

He overworked himself often, and this was also a known fact by everyone. But they let him be, sending texts every hour to make sure he was still alive or leaving water bottles and snack bars outside the door with loud knocks. Soonyoung appreciated it all, even if it was a bit of a struggle for the other members to deal with at times when they too wanted to practice.

Which is why he moved his solo dance practices to the early hours of the morning when everyone was too tired because of schedule. He knew he should rest, but over the span of four months, Soonyoung doesn’t want to rest. He struggles to sleep sometimes, waking up at random hours and not falling asleep until he only had an hour before they had to get up for another day of work.

Four months of late night dance practices and locking the doors and turning the music up too loud and dancing until his bones where ready to break just so he could find an excuse to cry over his broken heart.

People say that getting over someone takes time, depending on how much you see or interact with them. It also depends on how important they were to you. If you only saw each other often because of the relationship, it shouldn’t take too much time before you can get yourself out of the pile of tissues and buckets of ice cream. If you see them often because of school or work and were originally close with them, it might take a bit longer. 

Too bad for the dancer though - he saw him everyday and lived with him. He can’t get over it, not even after four months.

He can’t get over how Jihoon broke his heart.

Soonyoung had a mix of both Korean and Western songs going on a playlist, already two hours into it, and he was sure it was going to end soon enough, and that is when he would stop too. He wasn’t sure of the song playing at the moment, the lyrics in English and he didn’t remember adding it to his list, only knowing the title screamed something akin to heartbreak and it was enough for him. 

But no matter how loud he turned the volume or how fast he moved his body or how long he refused to look in the mirror at his reflection, he could still feel the ache growing and becoming numb, a cycle that has been never ending for too long.

He was selfish. He was hanging on to something that was obviously gone, taken from him in a matter of minutes, but he still wouldn’t let go of Jihoon because he still loved him just as he had before.

_“Soonyoung, can you listen to something I recorded?”_

_He had listened, and it had been a wonderful piece of music. The lyrics were odd though; more on the side of loneliness and regret and giving something up. Jihoon wasn’t one for romance, though he knew how to turn such a thing into a song, but this was different._

_“What do you think?”_  

_“It sounds heartbreaking, honestly.”_

It did sound like that, everything that was opposite of his usual style except for a few songs here and there. It was common to throw out a sad ballad every now and then, but he wasn’t one to ask the members about it in such an early stage of planning.

Soonyoung continued to turn and move his feet and extend his arms in rapid movements, his breath becoming harder every few spins.

_“I feel like a heartbreaker.”_

_“Since when have you ever broken a person’s heart?”_

_Jihoon didn’t look at him after he said that, only staring at the screen. Soonyoung was confused no doubt, his anxiety starting to build up._  

_“Today.”_

He tripped on the landing of a jump, almost falling on his knee, but he stood and continued to move across the floor, hearing the melody of an old song drift out to be replaced by a new one. He would dance to anything as long as he could try and escape his mind.

_“I’m sorry, Soonyoungie.”_

_“What?”_

_“I’m sorry I broke your heart.”_

Those words had always confused him, and he wasn’t sure why Jihoon chose those exact words, but they still cut him deep. 

_“I think we should break up.”_

That time he did trip, and he did land on his knee, but it was only a small fall and one he’d been experiencing more often lately.

_“I don’t deserve your love, and you deserve better. I can’t give you what you need. I’m sorry.”_

_“Jihoonie-”_

_“I’m breaking up with you.”_

It shattered him, and his mind was spinning more than his body and he just wanted to wake up from this nightmare he’s been living in because it hurts more every day.

Soonyoung won’t talk about it with the other members because he’s afraid. They will tell him it will get easier, or that he should move on already, or that they wish there was something they could do. But no - it won’t get easier and he can’t move on and the only thing they could do is try to make Jihoon change his mind and take him back.

He acts like he’s fine, interacting with the producer when necessary and talking to him about songs and dances and he would put up a front when it came to the fans, but when he was alone he wouldn’t care anymore. He’d break down every wall he’d built and just let everything out because he still loved Jihoon no matter how much he was told he shouldn’t.

_Soonyoung saw the shine of Jihoon’s eyes and stepped forward, but the younger stepped back and he retreated his hand and tried to swallow the lump in his throat that had started to build. He didn’t know what to say, but the words replayed in his heart and made his mouth dry._

_“Is it something I did?”_

_“It’s not your fault, Soonyoung. I’m just not good enough for you.”_

His eyes are blurring and he thinks he’s closer to the mirrors than he should be, so he takes a step back and tilts his head up, looking towards the ceiling, swaying on his feet. He knows he’s weak. He knows he’s pathetic. But you can’t help who you love.

_“I’m sorry.”_

_“I am too.” Soonyoung left the recording studio and headed straight for the dance practice room, locking the door and sliding down it, letting his emotions out with his hands pulling at his hair and his knees to his chest. He stayed there for hours, returning to the dorm when everyone was asleep, trying so hard to find the will to do the same._

_But his heart was broken and it takes a long time to recover from something like that._

He kept stepping, turning, pivoting, absolutely anything in order to finish what he knew was the last song to play. He had to finish it. His dance had to be finished when the end came.

After another minute, the music died just as his legs gave out, leaving him to collapse on himself in a pile of aching muscles and harsh tears. His position made him look and feel so much smaller than he was, just how he felt that night and every night onwards. So damn small. Finally, the sobs escaped and his body was shaking from the power of them after keeping it in all week.

He hated it. He hated the feeling of not having him anymore. Yes, they were friends and teammates, but it wasn’t the same. He thought Jihoon was happy with him, so why did he leave? Why would he leave Soonyoung in the mess of his broken heart and abandoned love? The mass of questions made him cry harder.

Soonyoung was always worried about loving someone because he knew that love ends. He gave his all to the producer because he trusted that it could work. That they could work. He expected that they would have to tone it down with relations to fan service or make sure no managers or staff got suspicious. Soonyoung wasn’t ready to hear Jihoon tell him he didn’t love him anymore. 

Because he was crying so hard in his dance studio, the place he could get away from anything, he didn’t hear the door open and close, or a person walk in. He did however, notice a presence next to him, but it didn’t deter his position or feelings.

He felt like utter shit, and he has for too long. He didn’t care who knew anymore.

The person touched his back, a gentle hand resting over his long-sleeve that was most likely full of sweat, the warmth adding to his hot skin. The hand drifted to his arm, slowly pulling him up, and once he was almost in a sitting position he moved to them and wrapped his arms around their torso. It didn’t matter who it was, he just wanted comfort in his time of weakness because he was too insecure to ask for it.

The tears kept coming as well as his sobs, arms around his shoulders and a hand in his hair. It felt comforting. It felt like home.

“I’m sorry, Soonyoungie.” It was home.

_It was him._  

“I’m sorry I can’t give you the love you deserve.” It was quiet, above a whisper but smaller than he usually spoke, and he held on to him tighter. He hadn’t held him in so long.

“You gave me everything. You gave me more than I thought I’d ever get,” a loud sob echoed through the room in the middle of his words, his body falling into the other’s, “I love you, Jihoonie. I still love you.”

“I know, but you shouldn’t. Not with the way I’ve hurt you.”

Soonyoung sat up fast in his hold, leaving Jihoon to move backwards somewhat, but he kept his arms on the boy’s shoulders as he was still held at the waist.

“I just want to be enough for you. Why am I not enough? Please-“

“You are everything I want. You’ve always been enough for me. It’s always been you.” He moved to wipe the raven-haired boy’s cheeks, but the tears just reappeared as soon as they were gone. Soonyoung leant into his touch, causing his heart to ache more at the memory of the way he used to do it. “I love you so much, Kwon Soonyoung. But I can’t let you love me, because you are worthy of so much more. I can’t give you the kind of love you need. That’s why I let you go.”

That was when Jihoon began to cry. He had seen him cry a few times before, not as many as he had cried and been the focus, but every time he saw the tears he swore his heart broke a little more.

He had noticed he cried before debut, multiple times when everything was a mess and they were all ready to give up. He learnt he had cried during Seventeen Project with his confession about feeling like a burden. He witnessed him cry when they received their first win for Pretty U, the song that was rejected so many times he almost lost count. He had seen him lost and angry and frustrated and full of doubt, but those times he never saw him cry.

Jihoon cried when he confronted him and told him they should break up. The whole event is still clear in his mind, and he will never forget the way Jihoon had shied away when he tried to approach him, tears in his eyes and starting to run down his cheeks. He won’t forget the way his voice cracked when he said he was sorry, and that Soonyoung deserved someone better. He can’t forget the way his actions asked him to go, but his eyes begged him to stay.

Soonyoung will never forgive himself for being a reason that Jihoon cried.

“I don’t want anyone else.” The dancer could barely see past the blurriness in his eyes, the crescents full of tears he knew would not stop for some time, but he could still manage to raise his hands in order to cup the younger’s cheeks and make him look at him. “I’ve always loved you, and I can’t see myself loving someone else.”

Sitting up straighter, he ran his thumbs over his cheeks, picking up tears and feeling the warmth travelling across his skin at the action. He did not pursue him, he would not push him into anything. He never had. Soonyoung simply rested his forehead against Jihoon’s only being able to look into his eyes for a second before he looked down and let a new group of tears fall. 

“Please, let me love you, Jihoon. Please.” It was silent apart from the crying, but he still wiped away the tears on the brunet’s cheeks as they fell as the younger did the same for him. When he felt him pull back he carefully caught his eye, his attempt at holding in any noises causing him to bite his bottom lip. He was scared to hear what he was going to say, if he was going to say anything at all, but he was more scared for the possibility that he would leave without speaking. In all honesty, Jihoon had broken his heart so much that he didn’t care what he had to say, as long as he said something before leaving. 

But he didn’t say anything. Jihoon had nothing to say. So he kissed him instead. It took a few seconds for Soonyoung to respond but he kissed back, tasting the saltiness on their lips but he didn’t care because for the first time in four months, he was able to hold Jihoon and touch him and be with him in a way he was not yet ready to let go of. He pressed his lips against his a little harder, the force being returned, and somehow they ended up with Jihoon somewhat straddling Soonyoung so he could kiss him harder and better and the way he used to. The way he wanted to.

After a few minutes of being caught up in each other, Jihoon pulled away first, Soonyoung unconsciously following his lips, but stopped when he remembered the predicament they were in. His hands were at his waist, the younger’s on his shoulders, their breaths mixing with the few tears that still managed to fall here and there.

When his jaw was brushed with gentle fingers and his chin tilted up, he looked into the producer’s eyes and saw what he believed was the same look from that day. He wanted him to stay. Soonyoung prayed that this time, Jihoon would let him stay.

“I’m scared.”

“I know. But I’ll take care of you.” The dancer tried to smile, but it was taut and wavering at the edges, showing his nervousness that would not go away.

“Soonyoung?” 

“Yeah?”

Jihoon still traced his fingers lightly against his pale skin, the touch so familiar he almost forgot how long he went without it. The deep breath was shaky but the boy still waited, always patient with Jihoon no matter how long it took. “I promise to give you all the love I have, and the kind of love you deserve to be given.”

This time his smile did come easier, his teeth slightly showing, and he couldn’t help those few untimely tears from falling. But they weren’t sad and broken and full of heartbreak. They were relieved and grateful.

“Just having you love me is already more than I can ask for.”

**Author's Note:**

> First published SVT fic out of multiple ones I'm writing. Hope you liked it!! x


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